NEEDLING

It’s barely a few minutes past twenty three hundred and I’m not sleepy, though I should be in bed. Tomorrow I have to be at the store right after eight in the morning. (Twenty minute drive + shower + coffee and toast + feed / play with Brutus = 6h45 latest wake up call.) Like all liquor stores in Texas, we don’t open before ten, but I have to do the whole liquor order before twelve, at which time the computer automatically tallies all the orders of all the stores linked to the company for which I work and processes them. If it’s not in by twelve mid-day, then we’re screwed. Usually, we do this on Saturday morning to get it over with and not have to work under the pressure of the clock, but for reasons too drawn out, beyond my control, and way too freaking boring, we weren’t able to get around to it... and I’m stuck with the blunt of it tomorrow.

I’ve been good all day. Sipping a little white wine this afternoon. Having some refried rice with venison. A cup of coffee here and there... Couldn’t or didn’t want to go out because the cold and wet weather is back in town, so I stayed home all day, tried to do a little work on Claire and my new project – to be revealed soon – and even got around to doing the dishes and scrubbing parts of my kitchen. All this time, I’ve been resisting the temptation to pour myself a little vodka tonic and lime. I’ve just faltered. Shouldn’t have taken that nap from 17h30 to 19h00. That did me in. There’s no way I’m going to sleep now. Brutus is crashed out.

We watched The Battle of Algiers, by Gillo Pontevorco, together. That’s a hard movie to watch. I can’t help but ask myself: Will the Americans stay in Iraq for the next 130 years? What is the difference between an Insurgent, a Terrorist, a Liberator, and a Resistance Fighter? Are they really all that different, or does it only depend on who the winner is? On who the stronger hand is? Does idealism really have any say in the matter? Weren’t the French Resistance Fighters during WWII considered terrorists by Nazi Germany? What was the Vichy Government? It certainly wasn’t Free France as advertised by the powers that be of the time. (Weren't the Nazi Germans really stuck on bringing the values of the family back to the French people? Those propaganda posters of Dad, Mom, and Child being / looking patriotic... sponsored by the Marechal himself.)

All these are easy generalizations, I realize, and what the hell can I know about anything sitting here safely in my little Austin home with my dog and the heater working properly. Tomorrow, my car will take me to work, I will clock in, I will do what is asked of me, I will earn my keep, I will clock out, then my car will bring me back to the safety of my home. There are no tanks on the street. There are no Freedom Fighters or Terrorists blowing themselves up in my favorite cafes. I am safe.