NEEDLING

Uhm... I’m getting all these hits (for me, that is... lets keep everything in perspective: 9 hits in a day is a shit-load for me) and I’m not writing anything new. I realize this whole business of blog writing is an ephemeral one, and if one has the customers – readers – then one should at least have the decency to write new material, newer material, more material... et cetera, ad infinitum. The problem here is simple: I have not been much inspired these last few weeks. I’m getting off a ‘pissed at the world’ binge, which transmuted itself into a small depression, and is now finally trailing off into never-never land.

But out there towards the outreach of my personal universe, is still too close for comfort... I feel the nasty vibes. Shadows and monsters which have crowed my imaginary space, and in thus doing created chaos which had to be fought internally, are barely gone, their intrusion still felt. All this is hard on my direct hands-on easily translatable imagination, and all this is also quite a stretch on my emotional capacities. During these times, most of my emotions are strained and entirely taken over in fighting the anger and the depression – shadows and demons – and my creative life gets pushed backwards into my unconsciousness for the time being... which makes for – at various degrees – great dreams, horrible nightmares, and mostly sleepless and or restless nights.

Non of these imaginary landscapes are readily available to my creative impulses as I am usually too tired to write. I spend the whole day at the liquor store faking being happy, putting a smile on my face and listening to all these people’s troubles and such, so as to make the highest commission possible – which has a tendency to make me feel like a whore, not helping any... all smiles and jokes, fun and games on just a few hours of bad sleep several days in a row... By the time I get home, I’m exasperated, on the verge of imploding, and in no way able to write about it all.

Or maybe I’m just full of shit. That’s probably the most viable explanation for my laziness and inability to write.

More sooner than later. Cheers.