NEEDLING

Did I forget to grow up? Is that my problem? This seemingly unfathomable problem steering up hell in my brains and emotions and stomping down ferociously on any attempts to think and act like a grown up? Is it nothing more than a refusal to become a sentient responsible being, a stable settled and calm member of the citizenry? Is it not now much more than just a refusal? Has it not turned itself into a head-banging against the wall stratagem of debility? Upon arriving at no solution to this non-existent problem steering up mental disruptiveness, mental blocks, and total incapacitations, and being able to come up with nothing more than a massive head-ach, I have decided that I am merely being selfishly in denial at my inability to get on with life. Am I only eighteen forever in my brains? While my body continues to falter into ageing like a stumbling idiot? Is this what’s continually and exponentially making me more and more impotent word-wise? This constant fight between my emotional abilities, my mental acceptance of who I am, and my physical self slowly declining... are they the bricks of the wall building itself up blocking out my creativity? And how do I get around this corner?