NEEDLING

- That, too, is part of who I am. Not every facet of my personality has to be pleasing. Yes, I CAN be a shallow, selfish, dick head. What of it?
- I don’t know. You tell me.
- I’m not telling you anything else. This whole conversation is boring me.
- So you do admit, in the instance that we’re talking about, that you’re using clichés, being selfish, and not even remotely thinking about how others might feel about your actions or about your words?
- Sure, certainly.
- That’s not very nice, is it?
- So what? Who says I’ve got to be nice all the time? Albeit, most of the time, I’m this nice guy who goes out of his way to be Mr. Nice Guy, but every once in a while, I just want to let loose, and sometimes, this means becoming a selfish asshole.
- That’s not a pleasant thought.
- There’s nothing pleasant or unpleasant about it. It’s a fact. Most of the time, I’m a nice guy, most of the time, I try to be fair, and all that other stuff...
- You say that, but who says that except for you?
- So?
- Then who says it’s true?
- Does anybody other than myself need to say something to me to legitimize what I feel about myself?
- Sometimes it’s helpful.
- Bull shit. I’m a pathetic individual. And I can only speak for myself - personally, I think we're all pathetic individuals to some extent. I write about myself as truthfully as I can. That means describing myself as a selfish shallow asshole merely interested in plastic beauty and getting pathetically drunk being this selfish prick...that is, if that’s who I’m being at the time. I could very well be the completely opposite person another time, and whoever I’m being, as long as it’s me, then that’s whom I should describe myself as being...
- And you want others to read about yourself portrayed in this manner?
- What I want doesn’t matter. What’s funny is that people actually read about my pathetic little life.
- You think it’s funny?
- Funny and even more pathetic than myself, which reassures me that I’m not as pathetic as I sometimes think that I am, which reassures me that I’m not the only lonely asshole out there, which reassures me that after all is said and done, I’m merely human. Like my good friend says: monkeys with car keys, that’s what we are, not much else.
- ...
- I’m pissed at life, I’m pissed at myself...that’s what it is...
- From...from the other day?
- What? No. No, lets not be silly...I couldn’t give a monkey’s fart about the other day...I’m...I’m pissed at my inability to move, however hard I try, however much energy I dispense, however much I struggle to strip myself away from myself, I can’t move. I’m stuck, like an iron statue rooted in a cement socle. A boring statue, to boot.

The following planet was inhabited by a drinker....
“What are you doing there?” he asked the drinker, whom he found sitting in silence in front of a large collection of empty bottles and of a large collection of unopened bottles.
“I drink,” answered the drinker dismally.
“Why do you drink?” Asked the little prince.
“To forget,” answered the drinker.
“To forget what?” insisted the little prince, feeling sorry for the man.
“To forget that I’m ashamed,” confessed the drinker lowering his eyes.
“Ashamed of what?” said the little prince who wanted to help.
“Ashamed of drinking!” concluded the drinker, closing himself into his melancholic silence for good.
And the little prince left, perplexed. (badly translated by myself. The Little Prince by Saint-Exupéry.)

- You’re selfish.
- Sure, all melancholic people who make it a point to point out to the rest of the world how melancholic they are, are selfish. Real selfless people are those who can suffer the pathetic melancholies of everyday life without going on and on about it. Specially those of us who don’t have it so bad, but think they do, and go on screaming it non stop to anybody who will listen.
- Are you trying to be...uhm...serious...to say something...uhm...deep?
- (Laughs) “Deep” ??? Give me a break.

(Am I, or am I not being sarcastic, that’s the question....)